“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.”
George Michael
This body of work is about having the courage to believe in ourselves, to love oneself and listen to our own ‘heart’ when it comes to deciding what the things want in our life. We are not all the same. We are all so dramatically different in so many ways. This is an amazing thing. Just as amazing, however, is that we are all so similar in so many ways. This is to be human. To embrace our differences, our uniqueness and to be comforted by the common bonds we share.
I have always been a dream cultivator. I have always tried to encourage my girls to dream big, to go for everything they want, to be bold, to have courage. To be honest, I think I thought if I told them this stuff enough as they were growing up, they wouldn’t have to go through the same stuff I went through. They would figure everything out so much sooner than me. They wouldn’t doubt themselves, hate themselves, fear life, fear the future, regret the past… overthink themselves into oblivion. That is what I thought. I could spare them all that stuff and they could just jump to being like me when I turned 40 and stopped caring about all the stuff so much. They could just start there. I had done all that hard work FOR them. I could spare them those hardships.
If only.
My girls are all the things I tried so desperately to save them from. They are full of doubt, question their worth, fear the future and occasionally hate themselves … just like I had done. They don’t see how amazing and how talented they are. They don’t see how other people see them.
I am realizing this is to be human too. This is all of us. Even the ones that put on brave faces and airs of being better than everyone, having confidence by the buckets, seemingly living that perfect life. Even them. They are human and to be human is to have self doubts, second guesses and moments of self hatred. I can’t stop them from going through these things and it pains me, like no other pain, to witness their suffering and struggles but I can be there for them. I can listen to their woes. I can cheer them on. I can distract them momentarily (this still works occasionally with teens NOT just toddlers). I can just be there. Always.
Another thing I can do is look after myself. I can show them by example how to self love, have confidence, try new things, face my fears and succeed or even, fail. And ultimately I can paint my way through this time, like I always do. Taking that pain in my world and making it into beautiful reminders for all of us to love ourselves a little more, be tender and kind to ourselves more often. We also have to remember that everyone feels this way sometime or another so we have to extend that kindness to others around us, even the smallest gesture, smile or thumbs up can change soemone’s day.
These paintings, all my paintings really, are love letters to my daughters and ultimately to myself. We all need these reminders and I paint to send this message to my girls and to remind myself of these things.
